You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
