She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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