Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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