You're my little dorito
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
