i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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