Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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