so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
