wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
