That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
