Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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