Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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