I think I won the penis lottery.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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