the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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