girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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