apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
two words...techno handjob
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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