rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
