Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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