rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
