You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
