Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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