You're completely useless in the revolution.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
