looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
