When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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