Your dad touched me again.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
