Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
