Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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