Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel great
I just peed on a car
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
