I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
