Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is the high leading the old right now
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
