I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
