Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
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sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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