sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm really into asian looking animals
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
