I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
