You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize