I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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