This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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