I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize