I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize