So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
