Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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