Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
