using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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