I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
