I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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