I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
