I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
