I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
