This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
