Only a mothe r could love this liver
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
