Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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