Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
