Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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