I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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