When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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