Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
