Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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