No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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