My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
