they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize