Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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