I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
