i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
