he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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