and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
