we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
