I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
