Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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