I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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