this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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