More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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